This is my story of childbirth, breastfeeding and becoming a new mom. It is my honest, un-sugar coated account of what the past 5 weeks have been like in (maybe too much) detail...but I am writing this so I can look back and remember what it was like and to share with all of you who have been dying to know more and to share with little Reagan herself one day.
Warning: This post talks about the placenta, meconium and lots of blood!
Labor and Delivery
So, like I said I went to prenatal yoga on Saturday, June 4th. I was having contractions during class, but I had been having contractions for a while so I didn't think much of it. Ben picked me up from the class and we went to a first birthday party for our friends Liz and Ted's daughter Charlie. I felt pretty good at the party, but all of a sudden after being there for a few hours, I just started to feel a little weird...nothing I can really pinpoint or describe but I told Ben I wanted to go home and lie down. A little while later we met my mom for dinner nearby (remember my mom had come into town the day before because she was driving herself crazy being in RI and was afraid to miss anything...it was impeccable timing on her part in the end!). I was having contractions at dinner...and I was starting to get the feeling that these contractions were different. They were stronger and in my low belly instead of my upper belly where I had been feeling them and were more often. We had a relatively quick dinner because I just wanted to go home and rest. My mom and I made plans to go to church the next morning as we were leaving the restaurant, but I think we both had a feeling that that might not be happening. Ben and I walked home and I kept having to pause during the walk because of the contractions...this definitely was different! We tried timing them when we got home and they were about 4 min apart but because they still weren't that intense pain-wise we decided to go to bed and try to get some sleep. I actually slept relatively well.
On Sunday June 5th, 5 days before my due date, I woke up around 8am and suddenly, OMG my contractions were painful!! I called my mom to tell her I would not be going to church...neither was she, she was going to head over. We were timing contractions again...4 min, 3 min, 4 min, 2 min, 3min...what the heck??!! I thought they were supposed to start at like 10 in apart...what was going on?? I decided not to panic, this was my first baby so things couldn't possibly go that fast. I took a shower...that took about an hour to shower and get dressed because I kept doubling over in pain. Meanwhile, we were having an Open House that day so Ben was running around trying to clean the house. I couldn't believe he was caring so much about the house right then, haha! I think it was a way for him to keep busy. When I got out of the shower, suddenly I leaked fluid on the bedroom carpet...this was definitely different! So as Ben was trying to clean, I was leaking and making a mess...it was hilarious! A few minutes later, I went to the bathroom to pee, and suffice it to say there was a bunch of stuff coming out of me and I had no idea what it was...I screamed to Ben "we need to leave for the hospital right now!!!!" just as my mom walked in the front door, haha!! Ben continued to clean, ok now I was getting annoyed!
The three of us left for the hospital at 10am, 2 hours after I woke up...so much for all that laboring at home I had envisioned for weeks. When we got to the hospital, they confirmed I was 2-3 cm dilated, 100% effaced and they thought the fluid I had leaked was my water so they decided to admit me, but I could relax a little because this baby still had a ways to go.
So then it was just my mom, Ben and I hanging out in the delivery room which was big and roomy as I went through the contractions...they weren't too bad yet. Andrea got there around 2. By 4:00 they checked me again and I had progressed on my own to 6cm. Ok, I knew if I was going to get an epidural it would have to be soon...but things were progressing relatively quickly and were manageable and I really wanted to do this naturally and use all my yoga training and support from Ben and my mom to get me through. The scariest part was not knowing how long labor was going to last or how bad it was going to get so there was no way to mentally or physically pace myself.
By 6:00 I was at 8cm. Too late for an epidural...no turning back now. Ben's parents had gotten there by now. Kevin didn't last long in the delivery room before he decided to wait outside...things were quickly getting intense but Pat was there for the long haul. So by 8cm things were getting intense, and it seemed like I was at 8cm FOREVER! They checked me two more times within the next hour or so and I was still at 8...ugh!! The contractions were STRONG, about every minute or two and baby girl was making her way down my pelvis. All I can say is thank god for the 30 second or so breaks in between contractions to take mini rests because without those, labor would be impossible! Still, Ben was talking me through my contractions and that was really helping mentally to know when they had peaked and I was on my way "back down" but it was getting so intense and Ben was telling me to just breathe and I finally screamed "I can't breathe, it's not helping, this hurts!! Don't tell me to breathe!!!" My mom had been rubbing my feet and all of a sudden it was, "Do NOT touch my feet, don't touch me!!" Haha. Around that same time, I got up to go to the bathroom. As I was walking back to my bed, a huge gush of water poured out of me onto the floor...ok my water definitely broke now!! That morning at home it had just ruptured a little. There was meconium in the water, the baby's first poop, not a great sign but the OB said as long as the baby's heart rate was stable, it was ok.
By about 8:30 or so I'd say, it was finally time to push. The nurse I had was awesome and she taught me how to push. The OB said Reagan was coming out slightly transverse (sideways) and that it might take more pushing than normal to get her out...not what I wanted to hear! The nurse told me not to think about that and just to focus on pushing. Lo and behold, it didn't take that long. The OB called me the "pusher of the month," I credit my yoga practice again for this. Don't get me wrong though...pushing didn't hurt like the contractions but it was exhausting...really, really exhausting!! I was grunting and screaming on every one...it helped me. Ben was holding one leg and my mom was holding the other and they as well as Andrea and Pat were cheering me on...something I'll never forget. At that point, I didn't care what else was coming out of me as long as this baby was, ha! Within an hour of pushing she was here!!! I heard a little cough and then a cry. They whisked her away because I had the meconium in my water and they had to suction her out. But she was fine and her APGAR score was 9.9 out of 10. Within a few minutes, she was laying on my chest getting some good skin to skin action.
But then, just as I felt a huge wave of relief that it was all over, I realized it wasn't over. The placenta had to be delivered. I had read that part is no big deal, maybe requiring one more little push and that I probably wouldn't even notice it. Not for me. They had trouble getting my placenta out. I was trying to enjoy my baby, but I kept asking the doctors "is it out yet??" every few minutes. They had to manually deliver the placenta, basically reach up and pull it out, and it came out in pieces. I'm grateful that I didn't know until after how dangerous that can be or how much blood I lost. They had to shove some pills up me to stop the bleeding and I needed IV antibiotics afterwards because I was now at higher risk of infection. But when it was out, I could finally relax and enjoy my baby. My baby!!! She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and in really great shape for a vaginal delivery...no cone head and great skin tone. A tiny little thing at 6 lbs 9 oz and so amazingly perfect! I will also never forget the first time mine and Ben's eyes locked after she came out...just pure joy...we had made this perfect little angel!
Then I tried to breastfeed for the first time and she actually latched on pretty well. After a few minutes the rest of the family came in to hold her...Kevin, and my dad and Claire who had showed up an hour or two earlier. Then the family left and the nurses took Reagan to get cleaned up and it was just Ben and I and my nurse. It was my turn to get cleaned up...problem was when I stood up, I was immediately light headed. I made it to the bathroom but when I saw myself in the mirror that didn't make me feel any better...I was white as a ghost. I managed to get cleaned up without passing out...but barely. When they took my blood pressure after if was in the 80's over 60...so low. For the next 24 hours I could barely stand long enough to go to the bathroom to pee or brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to pass out. The doctors talked about maybe giving me a blood transfusion because of all the blood I lost, but in the end I only needed to take iron because I was anemic. That first night, I barely slept at all. Nobody tells you about all the blood you're still losing even after delivery is over...it's disgusting. I was too traumatized by what my body had just been through to sleep. I think it took me until tuesday morning for me to feel better and for it to fully hit be that OMG I am responsible for taking care of and feeding this perfect little baby girl. I had been breastfeeding the whole time in the hospital, and already I was bruised. The lactation consultant came in that morning and basically made me feel like I was unfit to breastfeed. Also, I think tuesday is when all those postpartum hormones kicked in that I didn't think were real until I experienced them. I was crying all morning before we left the hospital for no reason at all really except that I was already worried about breastfeeding. I spoke with a midwife before we left, who gave me great advice and made me feel much better. Before I knew it we were on our way home to start our adventure as a family!
I will write a separate post about the first few weeks as a mom. This one is already too long. I will just say it has been a roller coaster so far. I don't care what anyone tells you beforehand, nothing can really prepare you for childbirth and then before you have time to recover trying to learn to breastfeed (which seems natural but is definitely a learned skill), dealing with hormonal imbalances, and the anxiety of being a new mom...all on little to no sleep! But also, nothing can prepare you for how unbelievably amazing it is to look into your baby's eyes for the first time, have your baby cuddle you and fall asleep in your arms, and see your baby smile at you for the first time. It is a truly amazing miracle and I am so grateful every single day for my healthy and beautiful baby girl. My priorities have already shifted and Reagan means more to me than anything in the world and I love her more than I could've imagined. I couldn't be happier with our new life together!
More to come...
Tara
xo
Video of the first time I held Reagan...it's a tearjerker...at least for me every time!
Reagan right after birth
