These shoes are made for walking!

I took Reagan to get fitted for shoes for the first time last weekend.  Although we knew it would be a little pricey, I went to Stride Rite because I wanted to make sure she had the right size.  We had tried several different sizes recently and nothing fit.  Not surprisingly, she needed a wide shoe :-)  She was a size 4W but in the soft sole shoes she needed she was a 4.5W.  She loved shopping for shoes and when the woman brought out the shoes for her to try on, Reagan stuck her foot out eagerly, all ready to go!  I couldn't believe she knew to do that since we've never been shopping for shoes before but I guess she's a natural born shoe shopper!  She was so excited for her new pink and brown shoes and we got out of there with shoes, socks and the deodorizing spray I got talked into buying all for under $60, which I thought was pretty good!

Loving the feel of her new shoes!

Reagan is really close to walking now.  Today I was walking her around and she would let go of my hand and stand on her own.  I really think she was thinking about going for it but then she'd get nervous and grab my hand again.  I really think it's going to be any day now.  I'm not trying to rush it- I know it will be a whole new experience when she's up and running but I really think it will be a little bit of a relief.  All she wants to do is walk around all day - not scoot, not cruise on the couch but walk - and today only walk with mom - which meant if I wasn't holding her hand to walk her around even for a minute to pee, get her lunch ready or whatever, she would throw an absolute fit!!  Her walking on her own has to be better than that right?

Last Friday Reagan finished her music class we had been going to which was kind of sad, but there's never a dull moment for this girl!  She started swim class with Gram on wednesdays this week, which I don't think she loved but liked enough considering it was the first one.  Then in a couple weeks we start Tot Gym on saturdays- fun, fun!!

Happy Weekend!

All good things today...

 1) I've been wanting to mention my absolute favorite thing about being a mom so far- baby kisses!! Probably at about 11 months Reagan started giving kisses when anyone asks- big open mouth wet ones, haha!! Even better than that, sometimes she just leans over and gives me a big wet kiss without being asked- sometimes stopping mid-drink or mid-chew to lean over and give me the sweetest little kiss imagineable! Words can't describe how good that makes me feel as her mama!

 2) Reagan has been going to sleep on her own, no plug, without a peep or single tear now and sleeping solid through the night (knock on wood that I didn't just jinx this!)- oh happy day!! I think one thing that helped is putting a blanket over her at night now that it's considered safe. It's like a bigger baby swaddle. But when I tuck her in at night and leave her room she looks like she wants to cry but she's trying to be so strong and she blows me a kiss and goes to sleep. I am so proud of my brave little girl!!!

3) My cousin, Biz, had twin boys tonight on my sister's birthday! Congrats to Biz and her husband, Pete!!  And happy birthday, Andrea!

4) Reagan is walking really well now with Ben or I holding just one hand.  Ready to take off soon?!  Here's a video from today:

Purging the Plug

The first time we gave Reagan a pacifier (or a "plug" as we call it) was leaving the hospital to go home when she was 2 days old.    She raged as soon as we put her in the car seat and it was the only way to leave the hospital without making a big scene.  Once home, we tried to do without it at first but after a couple more days it was the only way anyone could get some rest (especially me, who was the pacifier substitute!).

The pacifier quickly became Reagan's crutch to soothe herself and it became ours to soothe her especially in public or at times when we really needed her to be quiet, like in church or on an airplane.  And it was fine because it worked and everyone was happy.  We were good about cutting Reagan down to having the pacifier only to sleep by 6 months.  However, that had it's pitfalls too- mainly, every time she lost her pacifier at night she cried for Ben or I to get it for her and at one point that was about every 1-2 hours!

So, we decided at around a year we would do away with the whole thing.  We figured it would only get harder to take away the more attached to it she got and by a year she should be able to cope without it.  At this point though, she loved her plug even if it was only to sleep.  Sometimes she wanted 2 or 3 at a time to sleep- one for her mouth and another one or two to hold.  I had fears of her being 5 and still attached to it if we didn't do something.  The pediatrician also recommended taking it away at her one year check up.  She said to go cold turkey and just throw all the pacifiers in the house away so we wouldn't be tempted to give in (read: so I wouldn't be tempted to give in).

In the end, this is what we did although Ben had to throw them out because I couldn't bring myself to do it (how bad was this going to be??).  There was no turning back.  We did this last Friday night - and she slept ok - just holding my hand for a minute and she was out.  She woke up only once and it was brief.  The next morning she went down for a nap and was asleep within 10 minutes without anybody even in the room.  Success!!  Or so I thought, but I knew it couldn't be that easy.  By saturday night, she had somehow latched on to holding my hand to go to sleep as a replacement for the plug and I spent most of the night sleeping on the floor next to her crib holding her hand so we could all get some sleep.  This was worse than the plug and couldn't become a new habit.

Sunday night we decided to let her cry a little more to really learn once and for all to fall asleep on her own.  She cried two one hour stretches (one at bedtime and one from 2:30-3:30) before I finally held her hand to get her to fall asleep- this was't working!!  Last night I had no energy for another night like that- we put her down and hoped for the best.  She cried 2 minutes and was quiet.  Thanks to the video monitor, we could see she was sitting up and wasn't sleeping but she wasn't crying either.  Then the funniest thing happened.  She rocked herself to sleep sitting up and then bobbed back and forth, swaying like a drunk, before she finally fell over and was asleep.  She was learning to self-soothe!  She slept 8 hours straight until 4:15 when I gave in and slept on her floor for another hour or so holding her hand but then she slept until 7.  Naps today she cried 20 minutes and then rocked herself to sleep sitting up and then finally fell over again- the first nap was only 15 minutes but the second one an hour and 10 minutes - progress!

Tonight she went to sleep without a peep and even went to sleep lying down.  It's been 3 hours- let's hope she keeps it up!

The point of this whole story is that getting babies to learn to self-soothe is one of the hardest things to do.  Sunday night when she was crying for an hour straight, it ended with me in tears also and Ben and I in a fight.  Reagan's little voice was hoarse from all the crying and it was the saddest thing in the whole world - I felt like a terrible, heartless person.  I really thought it couldn't work for her for some reason.  After only a couple (miserable!) days, I really think it did- although I'm afraid to speak too soon again.  She is learning though and I think teaching her how to sleep on her own is a gift, not a punishment, and so healthy for her in the end.  No more pacifier to lose in the middle of the night means better sleep for everyone once she is used to not having it - hopefully those days are ahead!  I know everyone has very different opinions on letting babies "cry it out" vs co-sleeping and everything in between and I actually want to side more on the co-sleeping end of the spectrum but in the end getting a baby to sleep well on their own is more practical (a baby goes to sleep at 8pm and I don't, and I can't get up and shower in the morning with a sleeping baby in my bed and she'll wake if I move her) and better for my marriage and everyone's health and sanity I think - but again this is just my opinion after one year of motherhood so take it with a grain of salt!

I'll end with a cute little video that sums up my typical day :-)

Birthday Wrap Up

This post will be the last in the birthday series.  Stay tuned after this for posts on pacifier weaning, kisses, and other random tidbits!

Reagan's Birthday Party and One Year Check Up

We had Reagan's birthday party last saturday.  Her Keffer grandparents and Herndon great grandparents came to town from Ohio and her Auntie Anne and Auntie Andrea came from New York.  We had about 40 people at our house for burgers, dogs, adult beverages and cupcakes!  Overall, I think the party was a success.

The night before her party, Reagan got to spend some time with her Ohio relatives and got a whole bunch of gifts from them, including her first TOMS, which she clearly loved!

Some quality time with her Grandma K. and Grandpa Great before her party.

Ready to party!

We were also celebrating her Gram and Papa Bobby's engagement that day!

After some good food and a nap for Reagan, it was finally time to sing to the birthday girl for the very first time!  I thought I was going to lose it in the middle - her turning one was so bittersweet for me!

She wasn't too sure about the cupcake or the 40 people staring at her at first.

But she eventually caught on with a fist full of cupcake!

She made a good mess just like she was supposed to and loved it!

Reagan got so many beautiful new clothes, toys and books and our friend Jill made her this amazing poncho!

One Year Check Up

Ben and I took Reagan to her one year check up on Tuesday.  No wonder her appetite has been HUGE because the girl had a major growth spurt!  She grew 3 inches in 3 months and gained less than 2 pounds.  She is now 30 inches tall and weighs 22 lbs 4oz.  She's in the 75th percentile for height and weight so she's proportionate.  Her head size was in the 90th percentile - down from off the charts last time so she's grown into her head a little more.  

The doctor said she looked great and healthy and is developing well (of course!).  She said mom and dad did good in getting her weaned off her bottle!  Next up would be the pacifier (more to come on that).

Reagan's birthday gift from the doctor was not as fun as the others she got - 3 shots and blood work in her arm.  She was very brave though and got over the trauma quickly!  

Happy Birthday Reagan!

We had a great day on Tuesday celebrating Reagan's first birthday!  I'm home anyway on Tuesdays and Ben gave himself the day off.

In the morning, Reagan had her first whole milk.  She didn't seem to mind the switch from formula and it was a pretty seamless transition (except she did poop A LOT yesterday - I don't know if it was from the milk??)

After breakfast, we gave her some clothes from J Crew.

In the afternoon, we took a family trip to the aquarium.  Reagan had some aquarium-themed stickers to get her in the mood.

Before the aquarium, we stopped for lunch and Reagan had her first fried food- chicken fingers and a couple bites of fries.  I cringed the whole time!!  I've tried so hard to get her off to the best possible start with her eating habits.  I at least gave her some avocado I brought so she didn't have just fried food.  Maybe that explains all the poop yesterday??

Reagan loved the aquarium!!  The beluga whales were the best part...

She also loved watching the sting rays and sharks...and of course the fish!

Later on, my dad and Claire stopped by to bring a gift.

And then my mom also came by with a gift.

After dinner, Ben finished putting together our gift to her...a swingset!!  She is still not so sure if she likes the swing- actually she pretty much hates it.  Hopefully she'll come around soon!  Grandma and Grandpa Keffer were on Facetime as Reagan was exploring her new swingset!  They'll be here in person tomorrow and then we have her party on saturday.  Yeah birthday week!!

Reagan: Months 10-12

Month Ten

In a Nutshell- By this time things were really getting fun!  I started taking Reagan to a music class and she loved it!  We're still going now and she's the most social, enthusiastic one there.  Reagan was a good eater as usual.  Over her prune phase now, she loved yogurt and cheese...oh my god the girl goes crazy for cheese!  She all of a sudden loved green vegetables too.  And fish and quinoa!  We took so many steps when she was first starting solids to introduce veggies first and to give her plain veggies, not just veggies mixed with fruit so she would like vegetables and not just want to eat fruit all the time.  I think maybe we did too god of a job because she'll eat broccoli and asparagus over apples and strawberries- not your typical 10 month old!  We started eliminating bottle feedings as she started drinking formula from a cup.  At this point Reagan was saying "uh-oh" ALL the time.  She started waving to everyone everywhere we went, pointing to everything, and was always clapping to her music.

This month we thought Reagan was going to crawl any day.  She was on her hands and knees rocking back and forth, ready to take off.  But she never took off...not on her hands and knees anyway.  She decided she was going to get around by scooting on her butt instead and she got good at it.  She was fast!  This was a whole new world.  When I tried to clean the house, Reagan would make a mess double the size of what I had just cleaned up.  I now spent most of the time chasing after her, but it was so fun to see her go.

Most Memorable- Seeing Reagan scoot around on her butt.  Watching Reagan having a blast in music class!

Biggest Lesson Learned- You can't make a baby crawl! 


Month Ten Pics

 Too cool for school!

Corned beef at Gram's for her first st. patty's day.

Month Eleven

In a Nutshell- This month was Reagan's first Easter.  Her Keffer Grandparents, Aunt Ella and Auntie Andrea came to visit!  Ben was home more often now and would be for most of the spring and summer.  Reagan was obsessed with her daddy and Meatball and said their names constantly- calling for "daaa" and "daw"- she couldn't quite get the g in dog.  After everything I did - I was like chopped liver compared to them!  It's like it was just a given that I was around but dad and the dog were exciting!  Reagan started getting her top two front teeth in this month.  And with more teeth came more teeth to brush - I literally would spend half an hour trying to brush her teeth and she would just clench her mouth shut!  I acted like a crazy person just trying to make her laugh so I could get the toothbrush in her mouth!  I'm still working on figuring out the best way to get her teeth brushed (besides having my dental hygienist mom do it).

Reagan was still sleeping pretty well but she was obviously teething.  She would normally sleep 11 hours a night and would maybe wake up once or twice for a quick cuddle and then would go back to sleep.  Many mornings though she'd wake up early, sometime between 4 and 6, and when that happened I brought her in our bed and she would cuddle up and go back to sleep with mom and dad for an hour or two more- so much for the sleep training!  But we were all still getting some pretty good sleep so that's all that mattered.

Most Memorable-  Reagan yelling for dad everywhere we went- the grocery store, music class, anywhere, whether dad was there or not- and she was loud!

Biggest Lesson Learned- Mommy isn't always the favorite :-(  But when she was tired or upset, I was still first choice :-)

Month Eleven Pics

 First Easter

A total ham for her first professional pics- she really worked the camera!

A full bed

 Our little dancer!

Month Twelve

This last month of Reagan's first year was another busy one!  Reagan got another cold (and so did I-we normally get them together)- this turned into her first ear infection.  Up until now Reagan only had a couple minor colds and had never taken any medicine, not even tylenol.  Now we had to giver her 3 medicines a day and she HATED it.  The first day, I squirted her in the eye with ibuprofen, Ben held her nose to get her to choke it down- it was terrible.  But after a couple days we all got more used to it.  Then Reagan got a separate virus and a rash- either from the virus or the amoxicillin.  The jury is still out on whether or not she's allergic to amox.  And right around this time, Regan got 5 more teeth!  She only had two for the longest time and then got 4 more on the top and one more on the bottom within a couple weeks- another one on the bottom is definitely in the works now.  This was a little rough patch, but at least we made it almost through the first year without her getting sick, and she was back to her happy self again fairly quickly.

This month was my first mother's day.  I treated myself to some yoga and a hot stone massage and Ben and Reagan got me some great gifts.  I also took my first trip away by myself to see Amanda in Charleston.  It was unbelievably hard to leave even almost a year in, but once I was gone, I had a nice little break and Ben did a great job with daddy-daughter weekend!

Reagan has really changed by leaps and bounds this month.  She is pulling up on everything now and really cruising around all the furniture and walking really well with her push toy.  She can follow commands with astounding comprehension, like "get the dog's toy and give it to him."  She says dada and dog of course but now she also says mama and cheese and yells "bye!" when anyone leaves.  She's also working on her animal sounds and today was saying "quack, quack" when asked what a duck says!  She understands no, but definitely does not always listen!  She is the happiest baby and so good, but she definitely has a stubborn side!  And lately I long for the days when she would just sit still on the changing table- now diaper and clothes changes can take at least 15 minutes- the girl doesn't stay still!

Tomorrow Reagan turns one.  Tonight was her very last bottle ever.  I will miss how sweet she always looked drinking a bottle and our cuddles during feeding time.  But these last three months have been my absolute favorite so far.  There aren't even words to describe how much joy Reagan brings me everyday.  Watching her grow into her happy, fun-loving self this last year has been without a doubt the most rewarding experience of my life.  Playing with Reagan is really so much fun now.  Like the other day when I was stacking blocks and she would knock them down and we'd say "boom!" and she had the biggest belly laugh and laughed so hard she fell over and we both just lied on the floor laughing.  Or this morning when I was at the bathroom sink getting ready for work and she was tickling my legs and feet trying to make me laugh.  I will never forget these moments.

I'm not sure who has grown the most this past year.  I think Reagan has to take the cake on that one but I am definitely a changed person from a year ago tonight on the night before Reagan was born.  That night I had all these expectations of being the perfect mom because that's just my personality.  The biggest thing this past year has taught me is that I don't have to be perfect, I don't have to do what all the books say or even what the doctor recommends to the letter- I just have to do what feels right and be the best mom I can be for Reagan.  And I've learned this year that my best is pretty darn good!  I can't take all the credit though.  I never would've made it through this year without my husband.  He has been my rock and the voice of reason in moments of temporary insanity and meltdowns.  He took care of me when I was too preoccupied with Reagan to take care of myself.  But now we've made it through (well, one year anyway).  There were moments at the beginning when I just wanted a do over because I felt like I had already screwed everything up, but in the end, I wouldn't change anything about this year.  It was perfect in its own way and perfect for us.  I can't wait to see what year 2 has in store!

Month Twelve Pics

 Daddy's Girl

 My first mother's day

 A little light reading before bed

 So peaceful (in mom and dad's bed)!

 Like an old lady at the beach.

Last bottle ever :-(

Ready to walk!

Reagan: Months 7-9

Month Seven

In a Nutshell- This month Reagan rolled over from back to belly.  She also started sitting on her own.  Sitting up brought with it some new challenges- at any point she could topple over without warning and I freaked over every little bump and fall (and so did Reagan!).  It also made bath time more challenging, and more fun though, once Reagan was sitting on her own (um, do I just dump the water over her head to rinse the shampoo out? the answer was yes, and she loved it, haha!).  This month brought Reagan's first Christmas, which was so much fun.  Even though she obviously didn't know what was going on she loved opening and playing with her new gifts.  And the best part was Ben was home for the holidays!  It was mine and Ben's first new year's eve as parents and we went to bed before midnight.  With the end of the year also brought the end of Reagan's baby yoga classes.  We had been going every week since she was 6 weeks old, but now that she was rolling across the room, it was hard to keep her still for even two minutes of baby yoga.

I mentioned in the previous post that Reagan wasn't going down easily for naps and was up every couple hours at least wanting us to come in and giver her the pacifier, which she had lost.  Nobody was sleeping well and I decided something had to be done.  I knew part of the problem was that when I went back to work, sometimes the only time I saw Reagan was right before bed so I would rock her until she fell asleep and hold her for hours (and a lot of the time fall asleep myself) just so I could spend some time with her.  But now I decided we needed to teach her to self-soothe, instead of her crying for Ben or I in the middle of the night to help her get back to sleep.  I really did not want to let her cry it out (CIO).  I spent the first six months doing everything I could to keep her from crying!  But I went online and downloaded some $40 book with some woman's method of CIO and I was convinced.  Ben was convinced I was crazy for spending $40 on this.  So I had it all planned out exactly how it was going to go.  The first night Ben and I were supposed to take turns sitting by Reagan's crib while she fell asleep and reassure her if she cried, but not pick her up.  Well I went first and sat there for 20 minutes and she wasn't too upset.  Then Ben had a 20 minute turn.  By the end of his turn, she was raging.  I was supposed to sit there for another 20 minutes, but then she was so upset she threw up twice and that was the end of it for me.  I picked her up and lied down with her on the spare bedroom bed and cuddled her until she fell asleep.  It was a total fail!  Ben was not happy I had spent $40 on that book.  After that, I experimented with letting her cry a few minutes more each night at bedtime before going in to calm her down, but that didn't seem to be getting us anywhere.  Then our pediatrician recommended only going in the room 5-10 minutes after she went down to check on her but not to pick her up and then not to go in again and let her cry for up to an hour total.  She said almost all babies fall asleep within one hour.  I REALLY did not want to do this but I was desperate for everyone to get some sleep.  So one night when Ben was away I did just this.  It was torture as she cried and it seemed like forever.  I cleaned the house because I couldn't sit still, but I knew the longest it would last was one hour.  After 40 minutes, she was out and after that one night she slept like a champ!  She didn't even hold it against me in the morning like I was afraid she might!  I understood why people advocate the CIO method.  Reagan slept really well until she got her first cold a couple weeks later.  I was too worried about her to let her cry so the training we had done was out the window.  Her sleep has been up and down since then- pretty good but not exactly a solid 12 hours night after night.  And she has never been a really solid napper, but not bad.  We haven't really needed to fully sleep train again though- thank god!

This month I also got another bout of mastitis.  I missed a little work and had to go back on antibiotics.  After this second infection, I decided to wean from all the pumping I had been doing, and by Reagan's 7 month birthday I was done.  Not how I ever thought it would go- but at least she had my milk for a solid 7 months.

Most Memorable-  Reagan's first Christmas dress.  Reagan was eating her fruits and veggies like a champ by now and her absolute favorite food this month was prunes.  There was a period where all she really would eat was prunes- it made for double clean up- from the prunes and the huge mess in her diaper about an hour later.

Biggest Lesson Learned- Letting a baby cry it out to learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep on their own can actually be the healthiest thing for a baby who isn't sleeping well (not to mention for the parents) and they won't even hate your for it in the morning (they might even thank you for the good night's sleep!), but any little cold or teething can put you back almost at square one.

Month Seven Pics

 Reagan was so happy by now!  She just loves to laugh!

 Last baby yoga class.

I guess that's one way to open gifts.

Month Eight

In a Nutshell- This month Reagan got her first two teeth!  I would miss the gummy smile but the two front bottom teeth were so cute!  And it was a relief that teething was over (at least for a little bit).  I was loving my new part time work schedule now.  Ben was away quite a bit still but no more than 2-3 weeks at a time and since there was no ice this winter, a few times he surprised us by coming home early which was the best.  Reagan started practicing with a sippy cup this month and it took several tries but she started catching on fairly quickly.  We also tried a few finger foods but Reagan would just squish the food in her hands and throw it on the floor- Meatball loved it!  Best of all, by this time Reagan had quite the personality!  Her very fussy days were long gone.  She would laugh so easily and now she also loved to try to make us laugh, which was so much fun!  She loved listening to music and started bopping along to the beat!

Most Memorable- Reagan was playing peek-a-boo with us now, not the other way around!

Biggest Lesson Learned- Again, babies will master certain skills like drinking from a cup and eating finger foods when they're ready.  I started this early and it might've literally taken hundreds of tries before she mastered these skills- but eventually she did.  It's helpful to sometimes remind myself that no child goes to college not drinking from a cup, or not sleeping through the night, or not walking, etc.  Eventually it will happen!

Month Eight Pics

Out for a walk with Mom...on a Tuesday!

She's got rhythm!

Month Nine

In a Nutshell- This month marked Reagan's first Pats Super Bowl, although unfortunately not the first Pats Super Bowl win.  Ben was home a lot more this month so we hit the road for a couple family trips- we went to NYC for a weekend to visit Ben's parents and Anne and Colby.  Then we went to Vermont to visit Andrew and Justina and finally meet our new little cousin, Avery.  Reagan started eating finger foods for real this month.  One day, instead of spitting her Puff out, she chewed and swallowed and all of a sudden she caught on.  We spent Reagan's first Valentine's Day having dinner at my dad and Claire's since Ben was away then.  She was in such a good mood that night and so much fun!  Reagan and I started using the jogging stroller, which has become a favorite activity for us.  She loves our runs and it's good for me!  By the end of this month Reagan was really chatty!  She was just making sounds not words yet, but we already knew she's going to be a talker!  Also, by the end of this month Reagan was in the 50th percentile for height and the 75th for weight, and her head size was off the charts (she can thank her dad for that one)!

Most Memorable- Brunch in Brooklyn when Reagan leaned forward without warning and smashed her forehead into the wood table.  She barely even flinched and didn't cry, but I was crying inside for hours.  I can recall several bumps and falls this month as both of us were getting used to Reagan becoming more mobile and they all killed me!  

Biggest Lesson Learned- Once again, babies are pretty durable (see Most Memorable above).

Month Nine Pics

 My sweet little Valentine

 First subway ride in NYC!

Open gym in Vermont

Reagan: Months 4 to 6

Month Four

In a Nutshell- Everybody says around the three month mark is when things really turn around with a baby.  A baby by this time is better able to cope with their surroundings and begin to interact with the world.  The evening "witching hour"  that can be a baby's fussy time of day begins to subside.  I remember thinking there didn't seem to be any huge change when Reagan hit this mark, but her personality was definitely emerging.  I remember thinking it was unfair that I had to go back to work just as things were starting to get much more fun!  But that's what I did, and the first day I had mixed feelings.  We haven't done any daycare.  My parents have very graciously done all the babysitting.  When it was time for me to go back to work, I typed up about 4 pages of instructions for my own parents, who obviously raised me just fine, but they needed to know everything there was about MY little girl!  I was really upset the night before I had to go back, but when the day came I was excited to be dressed nice and out of the house, talking to other adults.  There was no question I was going to shower and have time to eat lunch.  I was determined to leave by 5 everyday.  Very quickly, I became swamped though.  Between meetings and pumping, there was no time to do real work.  On top of that, Ben was now starting to go away a lot of the time so I was basically a single mom when he was gone- thank god I had my parents around to help- but this was tough.  I will say, the best part of going back to work was that it made me appreciate my time with Reagan more than ever.  Weekends had so much more meaning and I looked forward to them with so much excitement and I cherished every minute I had with my baby girl that much more.  I snuggled her every night before bed- sometimes for hours.

I turned 30 this month.  Ben was away for my birthday but my mom and Bobby took me out to a nice dinner and Reagan again didn't make a peep.  Ben threw me a party when he came back.  We also had Reagan's Christening this month. 

Most Memorable- I thought it would be good idea before we left for the church for Reagan's Christening for Ben to cut Reagan's nails so she didn't scratch herself for pictures.  I was too afraid to do it myself- I still haven't to this day.  Of course this one time, Ben cut a little too close to the skin (ok, to be honest, he clipped a little piece of skin right off) and there was blood all over the place- even a little on her white gown and now we had a fussy baby!  I didn't know who to feel worse for Reagan or Ben.  But we all pulled ourselves together relatively quickly and made it through the rest of the day remarkably well.

Biggest Lesson Learned -  I had a taste of what a working single mother feels like, and honestly I don't know how anyone does it.  Oh, and don't cut your baby's nails right before her Christening!

Month Four Pics

 All dressed up for mom's birthday dinner at Siena!

Below is from my 30th bday party - I don't know how Reagan later slept in her swing during a very loud and rowdy game of Catchphrase, haha!

 

Month Five

In a Nutshell- Most exciting this month was that Reagan started eating solid foods.  She started with rice cereal at 4 and a half months.  The first few feedings, the cereal would just dribble back out but after a few tries, Reagan started to catch on.  This month Reagan also started to stay awake for more of the day- taking 3 scheduled naps a day now.  Although Reagan is not a baby who keeps to a schedule to the minute or even to the hour- but I desperately tried to develop some sort of schedule.  We established an 8:00 bedtime this month which gave Ben and I some much needed down time at night (until then Reagan would sleep in her swing until about 11, we would give her a bottle and and put her in her crib right before we went to bed for the night).  Reagan was still sleeping pretty well at night but we started trying to transition her from napping in her swing to napping in her crib this month, after all she wasn't going to fit in her swing much longer.  This led to a battle at naptime and me dancing Reagan around seemingly forever and often to some Michael Jackson to keep me going until she drifted off and then I'd put her in her crib and hope for the best.  This was a weird transition time where Reagan was awake more but she still was unable to hold a rattle or toy for more than a few seconds- so what do you possibly do with a baby that age all day?  It's tough- you can only go for so many walks.  We brought out the amazing inventions that are the Bumbo seat and doorway jumper this month, although really Reagan just tried to eat the jumper instead of doing any actual jumping.

This month was also mine and Ben's first real night out without Reagan.  She stayed at my mom's and we made a big deal out of it.  We stayed at the Westin in Providence.  I had a spa day during the day, we went to Hemenway's for dinner and then to Trinity Brewhouse for drinks.  It was REALLY hard leaving for the night but I had such a fun night out with my husband!  We couldn't get back to Reagan fast enough in the morning though.

Most Memorable- Reagan's 1st Halloween - she was a cow!

Biggest Lesson Learned- I was so excited for Reagan's first taste of solid food just to have her spit it back out at me.  Babies will learn and grow on their own schedule- not one you develop for them.  All you can do is keep trying new things and when they're ready they'll take to it- maybe on the 1st try, maybe on the 101st.  This has been the case with many things and all you can do is be patient and supportive.

Month Five Pics

 Bumbo + Plug + Sophie = One Happy Girl

Bald and Beautiful

My little cow!

No a lot of jumping going on in the jumper

Month Six

This was an exciting month!!  At 5 months and 2 days Reagan rolled over from belly to back and Ben and I were both home to see it.  Up until then, Reagan just cried non-stop during tummy time, but once she figured out she could roll on her back whenever she wanted, she was much better with it.  Reagan also started to belly laugh this month, and it was the best sound in the world.  This month was also Reagan's first taste of vegetables- carrots!  The faces she made when she tried them for the first time were absolutely priceless!  Reagan went on her first plane ride and took her first trip to Ohio this month for Thanksgiving and got to meet a lot of her Ohio relatives for the very first time.  She was a perfect little traveler.  Naps continued to be a battle this month and Reagan trained Ben and I to get up every couple hours at night (at least!) to put her pacifier back in her mouth.  She was able to play with some toys and entertain herself a little during the day by now though and she was starting to get chatty!  At Thanksgiving, we actually were convinced she was telling the whole family her name was Reagan.  By the end of this month Reagan was in the 75th percentile for height and weight and 90th for head size.  What happened to my tiny little peanut??  Surely she is going to tower over me someday!

By this month, my new job was really not working out for me.  Ben was away quite a bit, my job was so demanding, and there were nights when Ben was away that I would just crash after Reagan went to bed without eating dinner and I would get up early to wash bottles, finish laundry, and clean up the house before I had to go back to work.  I had no trouble losing the baby weight because often I was too busy or too tired to eat, but it wasn't healthy, and I was finally learning that the best mom for Reagan is a healthy mom.  Worst of all, I felt I was missing out on so much during this exciting time when Reagan was growing by leaps and bounds.  Seeing her only a couple hours a day during the week and weekends wasn't enough for me.  There were nights I came home after Reagan's bedtime no matter how hard I had convinced myself I would be home earlier and just cried and cried.  Ben didn't care what I did for work- he just wanted me to be happier than this.  One Friday night when I was leaving work at 9pm (and my mom had been at our house with Reagan since 7am), I told my boss I couldn't do it anymore.  I didn't know if this meant I'd be completely out of a job but I didn't care.  I asked if I could cut back to part time, which would mean giving up my current position and my promotion, and my boss said he thought that could work out.  In the end, it did.  This was November and I had a lot of December off for the holidays and started a new part time schedule working 3 days a week in January.  For me, this was the best decision I ever made.

Most Memorable- The excitement when Reagan first rolled over and her faces eating her first carrots.  Her first flight ever being delayed so long we would've missed our connection so we had to get off- after we sat on the plane for two hours.

Biggest Lesson Learned- If you're unhappy in a situation, do something about it!  You don't know what you can get until you ask for it.  Asking to go part time was one of the bravest and best things I've ever done!

Month Six Pics

 Happier on her belly now that she can roll onto her back.

OH-IO!!

Reagan rolls over!

The contagious laugh

Not so sure about these carrots!

One Year Later...

Wow, so the last time I blogged was July when I blogged about Reagan's birth.  Clearly I have not been good about keeping up with this, but I've been a little busy!  Right after my last post we moved to RI and shortly after I went back to work and there went any free time to blog!

BUT, since Reagan is turning 1 in just four short days, I wanted to blog about her first year.  I'm going to split it into 4 posts.  I think writing about the first year now at the end of the year will be much different than if I had blogged all throughout the year- I can look at many things with much more humor and wisdom now that they are in the past! Hopefully during Reagan's second year I will find time (maybe?!) to blog more often because motherhood just lends itself to too many funny, heart wrenching, dirty and loving moments not to!

Month One

In a Nutshell- Ok, if I was going to really give it in a nutshell I'd say "sore nipples, no sleep, crazy hormones, sore nipples, lack of personal hygiene, tons of poop, sore nipples and the most profound love for a tiny little human being you can ever imagine." 

This month is pretty much a blur.  The very first night home from the hospital Reagan wouldn't sleep without being held, so Ben and I took turns sleeping while the other one held Reagan while she slept.  Many nights I was feeding Reagan basically non-stop until 4 or 5am when she might've finally fallen asleep for a couple hour stretch.  I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time for the first two weeks.  At 2 weeks, I ended up in the hospital with mastitis- without Reagan.  I missed her like crazy and cried my eyes out the whole time I was there because I was separated from my baby.  Luckily, I only ended up staying there one night.  This was Father's Day weekend, so Ben spent his first Father's Day caring for Reagan alone (well, with the help of my mom when she wasn't with me in the hospital).  After that ordeal, I saw my lactation consultant again and after that didn't help I went to exclusively pumping by the time Reagan was 3 weeks, which I continued until she was 7 months.  Having so much trouble nursing Reagan and deciding to exclusively pump was the most heartbreaking part of this year for me because I never tried so hard to make anything work in my life, but in the end I really believe the way we did it was right for us and I'm proud of all the work 7 months of pumping requires! 

This month was all about basic survival- feeding Reagan and remembering to feed myself.  That and just being so astoundingly grateful for and amazed by this beautiful, brand new, healthy baby girl!


Most Memorable Moments- 1) All the bonding time Reagan spent snuggled up sleeping on my chest, skin to skin, 2) the day Reagan pooped all over Ben and I laughed so hard (well, really it didn't take much), I peed my pants, 3) all the time I spent topless in the same room with my mother and my husband!

Biggest Lesson Learned- Nothing and nobody can prepare you for the perfect storm right after childbirth that includes having every female body part bleeding and in pain, learning to breastfeed, dealing with crazy, out of whack hormones on less sleep than even everyone told you you would have!

Editor's Note:  If you're pregnant and reading this right now, keep reading- it gets better!!

Month One Pics

 Beautiful girl!  And she looks like her dad!

 We got to know this "poop face" very quickly!

A peaceful moment!

Month Two

In a Nutshell- What a difference a month makes!  Already Reagan started more or less sleeping through the night at about 6 weeks.  We moved to RI and lived with my mom and Bobby for 3 weeks before our house was ready.  I loved my Guinness.  Reagan and I started going to baby yoga at Bellani- and Bellani has been a savior for me!  Reagan and I have had so much fun there and having met so many other new moms has been amazing.  I went to another lactation consultant at Bellani and got back to nursing a little bit for a couple days before deciding once and for all that pumping and bottle feeding was better for us.  

I barely saw summer.  I was a paranoid mom.  There was the day I thought I gave Reagan heat stroke by going out for a walk, the day I thought I accidentally gave her shaken baby syndrome by rocking her too vigorously, and I always thought she was starving!  Ben wanted to throw all my baby books away because every time I read them, I was convinced we were doing everything wrong.  But lo and behold, my tiny baby was starting to chub up and my very fussy girl was starting to smile!

Most Memorable Moments- The first 5-6 hour stretch of uninterrupted sleep which ended with me running to her crib in a panic, "my god, is she ok?!"  Her first smiles.

Biggest Lesson Learned- Babies are actually pretty durable!

Month Two Pics

 The best!

 The smile that could light up a room!

She loved her wubba nub (a little too much)!

Month Three

In a Nutshell- We moved into our new house- it was a lot of work!  Ben started his new job as CO of the Morro Bay, which this month wasn't too bad because he wasn't away overnight much.  For me the realization that maternity leave wasn't going to last forever began to set in.  I was fortunate to find another job with Raytheon in RI- and it even came with a promotion.  But with this came A LOT of apprehension.  During month 3, I had to go to a dental appt and I left Reagan with my dad and Claire when I went.  I knew it was going to be a quick appointment, but Reagan was crying when I left the house and I was convinced I was the only person who knew what to do when she cried.  I hated leaving this way and so I cried all the way to my appointment, most of the way through my appointment and probably the drive home too.  I was maybe gone an hour and it was torture!  This baby was in me for 9 months and only I had control of taking care of her then- it was harder than I ever imagined to learn that other people are capable of watching her and can even do a good job of it- of course not as good as I can though :-)  It still amazes me how I went from being very pregnant and wondering if I was even qualified to take care of a baby to thinking I was the only one who could care for my baby.  How was I ever going to go back to work?!

Reagan still slept a lot during the day this month- all in her swing- that thing was a savior!  And she was sleeping well in her crib at night.  When she would nap it was a toss up of whether I would go back to sleep, shower or eat or if I was really, really lucky maybe all of the above- of course that was after I pumped.  I watched way too much daytime TV- Barefoot Contessa and Giada became my best friends, although I rarely cooked.  Reagan was still a relatively fussy baby- not colicky- but she was just feisty in my belly, feisty after she was born and still can be as an almost toddler.  She is just a girl who knows what she wants and will let you know it until she gets it- she's not shy!

Most Memorable Moments-  Going out to dinner- she was always so good!  Nobody would ever know she was there- she didn't make a peep!  And I got out of the house!!  

Biggest Lesson Learned- Nothing and nobody can prepare you for how much you will love this child or how hard it can be to leave your baby when she is upset, even for a 15 minute dental exam!  Also, that you can leave for an hour, even when she is upset, and she will be ok!  Sometimes she even smiles when her mom isn't around- shocker right?!

Month Three Pics

Ben takes Command

 "Mom, what am I wearing?" Having a girl wouldn't be as fun without outfits like this.

 Almost 3 months and so sweet!  Getting calmer and happier by the day :-)