The pacifier quickly became Reagan's crutch to soothe herself and it became ours to soothe her especially in public or at times when we really needed her to be quiet, like in church or on an airplane. And it was fine because it worked and everyone was happy. We were good about cutting Reagan down to having the pacifier only to sleep by 6 months. However, that had it's pitfalls too- mainly, every time she lost her pacifier at night she cried for Ben or I to get it for her and at one point that was about every 1-2 hours!
So, we decided at around a year we would do away with the whole thing. We figured it would only get harder to take away the more attached to it she got and by a year she should be able to cope without it. At this point though, she loved her plug even if it was only to sleep. Sometimes she wanted 2 or 3 at a time to sleep- one for her mouth and another one or two to hold. I had fears of her being 5 and still attached to it if we didn't do something. The pediatrician also recommended taking it away at her one year check up. She said to go cold turkey and just throw all the pacifiers in the house away so we wouldn't be tempted to give in (read: so I wouldn't be tempted to give in).
In the end, this is what we did although Ben had to throw them out because I couldn't bring myself to do it (how bad was this going to be??). There was no turning back. We did this last Friday night - and she slept ok - just holding my hand for a minute and she was out. She woke up only once and it was brief. The next morning she went down for a nap and was asleep within 10 minutes without anybody even in the room. Success!! Or so I thought, but I knew it couldn't be that easy. By saturday night, she had somehow latched on to holding my hand to go to sleep as a replacement for the plug and I spent most of the night sleeping on the floor next to her crib holding her hand so we could all get some sleep. This was worse than the plug and couldn't become a new habit.
Sunday night we decided to let her cry a little more to really learn once and for all to fall asleep on her own. She cried two one hour stretches (one at bedtime and one from 2:30-3:30) before I finally held her hand to get her to fall asleep- this was't working!! Last night I had no energy for another night like that- we put her down and hoped for the best. She cried 2 minutes and was quiet. Thanks to the video monitor, we could see she was sitting up and wasn't sleeping but she wasn't crying either. Then the funniest thing happened. She rocked herself to sleep sitting up and then bobbed back and forth, swaying like a drunk, before she finally fell over and was asleep. She was learning to self-soothe! She slept 8 hours straight until 4:15 when I gave in and slept on her floor for another hour or so holding her hand but then she slept until 7. Naps today she cried 20 minutes and then rocked herself to sleep sitting up and then finally fell over again- the first nap was only 15 minutes but the second one an hour and 10 minutes - progress!
Tonight she went to sleep without a peep and even went to sleep lying down. It's been 3 hours- let's hope she keeps it up!
The point of this whole story is that getting babies to learn to self-soothe is one of the hardest things to do. Sunday night when she was crying for an hour straight, it ended with me in tears also and Ben and I in a fight. Reagan's little voice was hoarse from all the crying and it was the saddest thing in the whole world - I felt like a terrible, heartless person. I really thought it couldn't work for her for some reason. After only a couple (miserable!) days, I really think it did- although I'm afraid to speak too soon again. She is learning though and I think teaching her how to sleep on her own is a gift, not a punishment, and so healthy for her in the end. No more pacifier to lose in the middle of the night means better sleep for everyone once she is used to not having it - hopefully those days are ahead! I know everyone has very different opinions on letting babies "cry it out" vs co-sleeping and everything in between and I actually want to side more on the co-sleeping end of the spectrum but in the end getting a baby to sleep well on their own is more practical (a baby goes to sleep at 8pm and I don't, and I can't get up and shower in the morning with a sleeping baby in my bed and she'll wake if I move her) and better for my marriage and everyone's health and sanity I think - but again this is just my opinion after one year of motherhood so take it with a grain of salt!
I'll end with a cute little video that sums up my typical day :-)
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